The Perks of Being Alone.




Sometimes it's hard to stay sane when all the people around you is telling you the same stereotype over and over again. What is your version of an ideal life? When the ideal life is the one that the society expects, and that doesn't happen in your life, you're starting to think that you're not happy.

There's definitely nothing wrong with knowing what you want. Society gives labels on things that are unusual according to their common sense. They see you as a bitch for having certain standards and simply knowing what you want. They see you as a loser and a sad person for not living the dream that the society is striving for. My wedding was supposed to be last week and I've been getting various reactions for the past months. Most of them felt bad and pity me for the break-up and wedding cancellation (which supposedly the normal & polite reaction to give rather than awkward silence?), but there are some awesome people who gave me a high-five, laughed it off, told me it's okay and said it's the right thing to do. I appreciate all the supports, but seriously though, looking at people feeling bad for me is like a cancer to my morale. It's not a sensitive topic and it needs guts to make big decisions in life such as getting married or deciding not to, and I can tell it's one of the best decision I ever made in my life. Looking at people pitying me made me question the whole idea of being happy. I felt happy before people giving me that 'look'. It could be really mindfucking because acting happy while people are feeling bad for you somehow seems like you're in denial (while you actually are happy).

I am a laid-back person and for me when it happens it just happens. I do not plan my dream life, my dream wedding or my dream man. It should happen when everything feels right and falls into place. Yet my own ideal life is pretty screwed by the society's norm. They have this unwritten standard of what age you should go to college, work, get married and have kids. Other than that, you're an alien. If normal people see my life with their glasses, I've been an alien all my life. I was homeschooled so I stayed at home when other people went to school, that raised some people's eyebrows already. I don't go to college. I don't wake up in the mornig and go to a so-called office to work. I blog for a living and I do my work at home most of the time. I'm getting more and more used to the 'look' people gave me because I don't do the normal stuff they do. So what you'd do if you don't live according to most people's standard of a happy life? Should you quit what you love to do for a living to blend in? Should you sacrifice your time and take a college major you don't like to look normal? Should you keep going in a dead-end relationship in order to look 'happy'? No.

Have your own standard of happiness and live by it.  When some people see what happened in your life as a failure, a disaster, and a misfortune and you're starting to believe in it too, and that's when you start your own pity party when you're supposed to be grateful with your life. I didn't know what happiness feels like, but now I figured out that it feels like this. I have an awesome life and I'm learning so many things. It's liberating when you know you don't have to fit in to anyone's standard to be happy. I feel like I can learn more things when I'm alone rather than when I'm with the wrong person, stuck in a habit, the same repeating routine for the past few years. I'd rather be alone than being trapped in a toxic relationship where you can't grow inside it. If you feel like what you have now is weighing you down and you're better off alone, then do it. Never betray your own standard and lower yourself to 'keep' anyone that doesn't belong in your life or anything that makes you unhappy.

Having a quality time with yourself let you learn what do you want in life, what your soul actually needs, and once you figure that out, you'll be able to love and respect yourself more. Solitude is not bad at all. Never feel bad for people who do everything alone, because they know what they want and they know how to enjoy solitude. It's far better than people who can't be comfortable with themselves. Being alone makes me feel loved, a lot more than before. I just realised that when I am able to make myself happy, I can no longer feel attached and affected with how people treat me. I no longer need anybody's approval, I don't need to do anything just to feel loved, accepted, and to fit in, because I already feel content with myself. I no longer have to think wether anyone will love me less if I cut my hair or wear weird outfits and do my make-up certain ways, because suddenly none of it matters anymore. I was too busy trying to meet up everyone's expectation of me that I forgot who I actually am. The right person will love you for who you are, they will adore you and cherish every good quality you have in you that your self-worth is not based on what anyone tells you anymore. Once you know how to be happy alone you would not want to settle for people who make you feel less happy than what you are now, and once you know how much you're worth, you won't compromise when people treat you less that what you deserved. Because no matter how much you love someone, the first thing you always have to remember is to love yourself first. And I have learned to love myself.

So cheers to Sex and The City marathon with a bucket of your favourite ice cream in your hand on Saturday night, going on a night out with your friends, eating or start a diet anytime you want, playing your favourite music in the car (I can't believe it's been so long), getting a new haircut without asking anyone's permission, sewing clothes, driving anywhere, getting things done, pursuing your passion, doing as much work as possible, watching movies with yourself, doing boring stuff without anybody complaining, painting stuff, planning unexpected trips, falling in and out of love, be the best version of yourself without adjusting to what people tell you to be, and finally find someone who knows your worth and makes you happy without changing good qualities you have. Cheers to self-loving and so many other new experiences that will happen in the future, because these, people, are the perks of being alone and I'm embracing it. 





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26 comments

  1. nice one! i have the same kinda like post : http://graceeyy.blogspot.com/2015/03/we-are-all-not-loners.html

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  2. Nice post!

    Regards,
    a-cupofrain.blogspot.com

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  3. omg Sonia... i love the new you even more than ever!

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  4. I appreciate the positive message in this post :)

    http://www.theartofvintagerevival.com

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  5. I agree. And you're beautiful for the way you are. You deserve to be loved<3

    visit mine,
    michella-georgia.blogspot.com

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  6. I feel you ce. I also find it hard to socialise with new people. Even my classmates tease me for being 'so alone' T.T I'm extremely introvert but I enjoy my solitude. And by this post, I actually learned something new. To love myself. Because I am actually struggling so hard to meet everyone's expectation so that I won't be judged this and that... You inspire me! :)

    www.vaniairenehuang.blogspot.com

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  7. Sonia I'm a very very big fan of yours and this post is my favvvvv! I love the new you! You go girl <3
    Anyway mind to visit my blog? I'm new at fashion blogging

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  8. Ahhh this post❤ so much agree hehe. Visit my blog
    http://hanan-triastiningsih.blogspot.com/?m=1
    Thankyou❤

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  9. Thanks to remind us to love ourselves rather than thinking of what people think we are, trying to be what people expect and forgetting to be the real us. It's not a problem for me to walk alone in the mall, but it's weird for other people. I thought I was a weird person, but your post told me that I'm not the only one :)

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  10. so happy to knowing that I am weird and its normal :)

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  11. I know understand that to make sure society does not get to you! I do realise that sometimes even our parents could make us try to fit in society's standards and it could be tiring. I agree with what you say and I hope people start to come to their senses and do what they want.

    Dream.Vibe.Couture

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  19. I'm with you! I hate what's so called 9-5 office hour or the regular kind of life standards base on what's going on in our society. I always hate school, I tend to be the rebel because I always feel I'm different. Being authentic sometimes is the hardest thing when you're in the 'wrong' environment. I always thought you -as the famous blogger, has that perfect life. But well, we all have 'life behind the scene' and your post makes me feel we're actually the same, a human. Thanks for sharing!Stay true.

    http://shaviology.blogspot.com

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  20. Could I be any more agree with this post? I think sometimes everyone needs to be alone. I love to go to a cinema alone just to get out of the madness of my life for a while and it feels great :)

    http://mollifythejournal.blogspot.com

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  21. I'm so happy that you made the decision, you are a brave girl and nothing can go wrong when you listen to the heart, going towards the happiness. People talking without even think, they are the noises that means nothing but noises. God bless you always, Sonia. :)

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  22. Long time no see ur blog. And this is a good one #noted #ditchtheboyfriend ��

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  23. Yes. Following the norm and a certain routine will get old by times. There's nothing wrong with self-love and I think people neglect that sometimes.
    They love others before they love themselves first.

    Sorry for rambling, but Thanks a lot for the post. It'll really help people who are getting thru tough times ��

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  24. Love this post - I'm currently going through a hard time deciding what to do with my life, and societal norms vs. personal dreams is a big issue for me. Your words are very inspirational! Thank you for being a great role model :)

    <3 Sonya from halfway around the world haha

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  25. I always thought 'what is normal though', normal as in the thing that most of people thinking/doing. Whoops, boring. I also like being alone and everyone seems not to get the pleasure of solitude. Thanks for writing this post. And oh /hugs/ for everything.

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